Monday, 29 October 2007

Long lost memories

I find it funny that everyone (well.. the very few people) i have hurt, have gone on and found someone. Those who once though I was the one for them, only to have me turn on them and reject it, after, i suppose, me leading them on for a while.
I guess thats karma.

Only problem is that Im the one still thinking about them. Not in a way that I want to be with them, more the way that I feel as if I have hurt them.
Im also just jelous because they werent good enough for me (wow that sounds bad.. rephrase)... they werent the right ones for me... (much better), and I let them find someone else, so Im still alone. I suppose I enjoy being single, but sometimes you just want someone, some affection.
I cant seem to get that from anyone who actually cares for me, so I seem to be going to the wrong people, then IM the one who gets hurt. Stupid world.
So, I hate hunting for boys, but sometimes it seems thats all I do. Look around the streets, sing chelsea dagger, huuh, and uuh at boys. But never anything is really gunna happen. I should have made out with wheres wally.

So, I just wonder if all the mistakes I have made in the past are just going to haunt me forever. I know ive tried to forget about these people, but theyre always in the back of my mind. I suppose its guilt. But I dont know what I can do about it! I cant just msg them out of the blue saying "sorry for being a bitch and not talking to you, but hey, you creeped me out and were a bit too full on, you should have known im a commitmentphobe!".... theres a couple of reasons for that not gunna happen... a) thats not right for me to go and intrude on what seem to be like perfectly happy (bah what is that) relationships
and b) i deleted their numbers.

So... Im the bitch. I know that, I did bitchy things on the weekend, another lot of things I should probably take back but my pride (and carly) wont let me... I just have to deal with the consequences I suppose. Ill just be lonely till someone totally awesome and worthy of what is known as ... awesomenss... come and take me away... maybe somewhere awesome. Ok, drifting.
But the moral to this story is.... Never be horrible to people who dont deserve it, its you who will feel the pain later down the track.
Learn from my mistakes.

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